Saturday, December 29, 2007

UPDATE: 50 Cent Gets Motivated To Sell

Filthy rich rapper 50 Cent has become a motivated seller serious about unloading his 17.6 acre estate with it's grotesquely humongous 51,000 (approx.) square foot mega mansion that once belonged to bird brained boxer Mike Tyson. Y'all surely know by now that Your Mama thinks this place, located in the unlikely wilds of Farmington, CT, looks like a damn Ramada Inn on the exterior and is so big on the inside that it simply does not matter what it looks like, it's just too damn big to be comfortable.

Mister 50 Cent purchased the place in September of 2003 for $4,100,000 and claims to have put in millions more freshening up the interiors. However, Your Mama would like to point out that the shot full of holes singing sensation didn't even bother to buy new dining room chairs to replace the ones left by girly voiced boxer Mike Tyson. So just where did these millions go?

Mister 50 Cent, a man who reportedly earned $100,000,000 from a very savvy investment in Vitamin Water, originally put the property on the market for $18,500,000, an unrealistic and ego driven price tag if we've ever seen one. The house was advertised in all the glossy real estate magazines and was much discussed by all the real estate gossips. But one seemed eager to cough up that kind of cash to own their own motel sized mansion.

So Mister 50 Cent got creative and had the MTV come and do a special Cribs episode highlighting the house, a television event that quite frankly just highlighted the insane bluster and arrogance required to ask nearly $20,000,000 for an ass uglee house in a part of Connecticut not known for $20,000,000 houses. Now people of Farmington, Your Mama has nutthin' negative to say about your little neck of the woods, we're simply stating that your corner of the world isn't where one thinks of ridiculously rich tycoons shacking up.

Apparently no one stepped up after that piece of dramatic television history and now, thanks to our doom and gloom commenter Average Joe, Your Mama has learned that Mister 50 Cent has drastically reduced the asking price of the property that in addition to 19 bedrooms and 30+ terlits (19 full and 16 half, reportedly) includes six kitchens, a 3,500 square foot disco, a Gucci pool room, and a indoor shooting range, all features Your Mama would never recommend in a private home because they're stoopid.

Anyhoo, the update here is that the price of the home has dipped all the way down to $12,000,000, and it appears the house is now listed with an Atlanta, GA based company called Greenmark Investments who have laid out very specific rules and instructions for how to purchase Mister 50 Cent's Connecticut crib.

See if you can follow: According to Greenmark's website, in order to purchase Mister 50 Cent's property, a potential buyer must show proof of funds (this is not so unusual in this price range), all offers must be submitted in writing and signed by the buyers BEFORE VIEWING the property, 10% of the purchase price is to be escrowed with, now pay attention here kids because this is the good part, with 1% of the purchase price to be escrowed BEFORE VIEWING the property, and 30% of that deposit is non refundable. Yes puppies, you read that correctly, we said non-re-fund-a-bull.

Do the math kids, that means that it costs $40,000 just to VIEW Mister 50 Cents monstrous manse. That ought to separate the wheat from the looky-loos and curious cats.

Greenmark's website goes on to say that a buyer will have two weeks to perform due diligence and at the time of (sale) contract signing, the remainder of the down payment is due with no contingencies.

There ain't no messing around here. So listen puppies, if any of you out there with a few million to spare and an eye for funereal drapery, private lakes, indoor swimming pools and quirky ownership provenances, be sure to get with these folks from Greenmark. But just keep in mind they are not fooling around with any body's emaciated bank account or second thoughts about purchasing.

As they say in the bizness, there's a lid for every pot, and it only takes the right price to flush out the right buyer. Perhaps at $12,00,000, Mister 50 Cent can do that. What do you think?

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