Monday, January 7, 2008

In Response... Mister Big Time's December 23rd query about which celebrity sold the property at 1840 Camino Palmero in Los Angeles.

The answer is Beck. And don't any of you nut cases think it would be cute to be driving by waving, shouting and flashing your boobies because not only would that make you a dip shit, Mister Beck, his family and all their Thetans have long moved on to new digs.

Property records reveal that the quirky singer paid $3,950,000 for the house (pictured above) in June of 2005. The records also show the house measures 4,012 square feet. However, listing information for the property from the time that Mister Beck purchased show the square footage at 5,200 with six bedrooms and six bathrooms. The listing breaks it down as as follows: four bedrooms upstairs (all en suite), a staff room (and bath) on the main floor and the detached guest house out by the long and lovely rectangular pool claims another bedroom and bathroom. Your Mama presumes the difference in square footage between the records and the listing is roughly the size of the guest house.

Built in 1916 and done over in 2005 by a real estate agent with a flair for renovations, the quasi-craftsman style house has a wide wrap around porch for sipping cool cocktails on blistering summer days, a pecan paneled dining room, an "extravagant" kitchen, and three fireplaces (living room, master bedroom and another on the porch).

The children will recall that Beck and his missus Marissa Ribisi recently plunked down $6,750,000 for a big new crib on S. Hudson Avenue in Hancock Park. The couple also own a modest house on Larkspur Lane in the Point Dume area of Malee-boo.

Your Mama would like to thank Beeswax Betty and Lucy Spillerguts for helping us solve Mister Big Time's real estate puzzler.

Your Mama Hears...

...that celebrity hair honcho Sally Hershberger will be opening her very own Los Angeles outpost in the same building that houses celebrity decorator Kelly Wearstler. We're not surprised.

The budding tycoon is busting out all over with a line of tshirts called Shagg, a series of anti aging lotions and potions (with The Face Place), and she will shortly open the doors of her East 71st Street outpost (Sally Hershberger Uptown) on the top two floors of an exquisite brownstone a few steps from Central Park. Now all the rich behatchas and diva doyennes on Park Avenue won't have to to fret about whether it's safe to venture over to the west side where Sally Hershberger Downtown is discreetly located on the second floor of a non-descript building on far West 14th Street in the Meatpacking District..

Miz Hershberger, who charges a shocking 800 clams to snip and shape the tresses of rich and famous folks like Donna Karan, Sandra Bernhard, Roger Federer and Renée Zellweger, recently had her sexy, sleek and minimal Trousdale Estates home on the market for $6,500,000. The house never sold and appears to have been taken off the market. Gurl has got to live somewhere when she's in LA. Little Miss Sally Scissorhands also owns a small penthouse apartment in a gorgeous Bing and Bing building the West Village and a small water front cottage in an area of East Hampton called The Springs.

Paul McKenna: Celebrity Hypnotist Heads for the Hills

BUYER: Paul McKenna
LOCATION: Rising Glen Road, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $6,600,000 (sale)
SIZE: 4,529 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Rare four-bedroom Regency pavilion at the top of Rising Glen in excellent updated condition with many details that recall Hollywood's "Golden Age"" terrazzo floors; bar in living room; brick-paved pool area. Grounds include large grassy area, guest house, four car garage & screening room. On one level except one bedroom currently in use as office, opening to terrace.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Unless you're British, a vice-ridden celebrity, or know a little something about neuro-linguistic programming, it's quite possible the children won't recognize Paul McKenna's name. However, all you thick waisted, small breasted and impoverished self help cynics who are afraid of your own shadows might want to sit up and take notice because among Mister McKenna's many feats of mental miracles the very rich and very famous British hypnotist and self-help author claims he can fix phobias, help smokers give up the cancer sticks, make fatties thin, help the poor get rich, and in a 2004 interview in The Guardian he said he can make boobs bigger. Well move over Anne Sullivan, because Paul McKenna has set his sights on Hollywood and there is a new miracle worker in town.

After several television programs in the U.K., at least half a dozen self help best sellers, and reportedly treating a slew of British big names such as the Duchess of York, David Bowie, David Beckham, and George Michael, the self confessed star fucker has landed in the good old U.S. of A. where he's already cured talk show kween Ellen Degeneres of her filthy smoking habit. Your Mama speculates that we might be seeing Mister McKenna up on the American boob tube shortly, partick because the networks are scrambling to get anything new on the air in the wake of the writer's strike. We don't know anything nor have we heard anything through the gossip grapevine, we're just speculating kids.

Why does Your Mama speculate and postulate that a show might be in the works? Because, in December of 2007, the eyeglass wearing and energetic forty something year old hypnotist put down some expensive roots in celebrity filled Los Angeles. Originally listed for $7,500,000 before being substantially reduced, property records reveal the mind bender scooped up a 4,529 square foot Regency style house high in the hills of Hollywood for a whopping $6,600,000.

According to property records, and the Movieland Directory, the 5 bedroom and 4 bathroom house on 1.5 acres has sheltered it's fair share of Hollywood types including gajillionaire gay David Geffen, song writing super star Diane Warren, and most recently prolific producer Chris Roberts, a man with an IMDB resume as long as Your Mama's arm but with nary a film we've ever bothered to watch.

Please note children that the interior spaces do not reflect the taste of Mister McKenna. In fact, according to the writer from The Guardian article Your Mama mentioned earlier, Mister McKenna favors, "frescos and swags of velvet." Yikes. Your Mama is petrified to think of what decorating crimes Mister McKenna's decorator has planned for the interiors of this house.

In addition to the main house, the private property features a 4 car detached garage perfect for Mister McKenna's Ferrari and a guest house that sits far enough from the main house that the new owner will never have to hear house guests fornicate or fight. According to listing information we received from Our Fairy Godmother in Bel Air, the media room includes it's own bathroom and it's own entrance from the outside, which is perfect for when you want to have a few folks over for film night but don't feel like washing the dishes or picking up dirty underwear that has been tossed aside in the living room.

The back of the house opens to a large brick terrace that surrounds a heated swimming pool. Can any of the snarky children that the long view down the hillside, over the flats of Los Angeles all the way to the Pacific Ocean drops the jaw, staggers the mind and creates envy in the hearts of all flat land dwellers who dream of a sliver of a view.

Mister McKenna's new digs sit just a couple doors down from the house notoriously kooky actress Brittany Murphy bought from he notoriously troubled krazy train that is Britney Spears back in 2003 for $3,850,000. Maybe Mister McKenna and his mental machinations can sort out the details on why the young and nubile Miz Murphy went and secretly married much older, much less attractive and wildly controversial screenwriter Simon Monjack. Now there's an odd couple for the children to ponder over a stiff cocktail or four. Not that Your Mama cares a lick about Miz Murphy and her puzzling ways, but we do confess to being a wee bit curious about what makes that relationship carousel go around.

Since Los Angeles has a long history of embracing alternative forms of everything, Your Mama suspects that Mister McKenna will be embraced with warm and open arms that will happily put many millions more into his already bulging pockets.

Sunday, January 6, 2008

UPDATE: Babajian and Grasso

A little Sunday reading for the kids.

Your Mama has received many requests for information about indicted celebrity real estate agents Joseph Babajian and Kyle Grasso. While whispers and rumors continue to sweep along Sunset Boulevard, little real information has been revealed about the fates of the former top producers...until last week. In case the children missed it, the Los Angeles Times printed a thorough update about the current and fascinating state of affairs.

Your Mama is glued to this story like white on rice. We've got hugely successful brokers who made millions from big name clients like David and Victoria Beckham, Ryan Seacrest and Oscar de la Hoya, and allegedly risked it all for a few hundred thousand more. We've got the venerable investment bank Lehman Brothers writing down millions in bad real estate loans because they were duped by just about everyone. We've got straw buyers, obscenely over-valued properties and forged paper work. We've got the F.B.I. investigating, bigamists on the run, and showboating attorney Thomas Mesereau representing Mister Babajian, whose Trousdale Estates house remains on the market for $6,985,000.

Look for this mess to be turned into a Sunday night movie on USA or Lifetime.

According to the LA Times, Mssrs. Babajian and Grasso are scheduled to be tried in July unless some sort of plea agreement is reached, which seems unlikely given that both men pleaded not guilty and their attorneys are quoted in the LA Times saying their clients are innocent, expect to be acquitted and will be vindicated. We'll see.

Our pal over at Real Sedated predicts the embattled Prudential agents will be fined, forever stripped of their real estate licenses and set free. Your Mama wonders, if they might also be made to spend a little time up in Lompoc where they can read, do macramé and network with other well to do white collar criminals. After all, a jury of their peers is unlikely to see them as sympathetic figures. Real estate agents are seldom well thought of by the general public and those accused of bank fraud and money laundering face an steep uphill battle in a room full of folks struggling to pay their mortgages.

Stay tuned.

Saturday, January 5, 2008

Burt Reynolds Downsizing in Florida

SELLER: Burt Reynolds
LOCATION: SE Federal Highway, Hobe Sound, FL
PRICE: $10,500,000
SIZE: 12,500 (approx.), 5 bedrooms, 7 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Extremely desirable, hard to find private three acre estate. Neighboring State Park, & directly located on Intrac. overlooking Jupiter Isl., large yacht dockage, private two bedroom guest house, billiard & cinema rooms.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Okay children, today we are discussing the home of a senior citizen, so Your Mama will try and be as kind and respectful as our nerve medication will allow. The Wall Street Journal is reporting that 71 year old Academy Award nominated and Emmy winning ack-tur Burt Reynolds has drastically reduced the price of his waterfront estate in Hobe Sound, Florida.

Mister Reynolds' estate, only about 15 miles north of Palm Beach was first put on the market in 2005 with a listing price of $15,000,000, which was stoopidly raised to $15,900,000 about a year ago before being chopped to $12,900,000 last summer and then slashed again to it's current asking price of $10,500,000.

According to Mister Reynolds' PR flak, who was interviewed by the gal who writes the always informative Private Properties column at The Journal, stated that the 1970s sex symbol was downsizing from the 12,500 square foot mansion because he no longer has use "for something so huge." The spokesman went on to say that Mister Reynolds intends to purchase something smaller in the area and at any rate, the WSJ article indicates, Mister Reynolds' primary residence is in Beverly Hills.

Back in 1980, when Mister Burt Reynolds was still a mustachioed piece of silver screen beefcake who sassily popped gum and posed nekkid as a hirsute jaybird in the glossy pages of Cosmopolitan, he scooped up this Hobe Sound hacienda for a mere $700,000. You read that correctly children, $700,000.

Presumably this is just one of several poorly decorated homes that Mister Reynolds shared with the seemingly ageless Miz Anderson. Your Mama happens to have a soft spot in our cold heart for Miz Anderson, who unfortunately hasn't changed her lacquered hair-do since her salad days on WKRP in Cincinnati. Burt's ex participated in a few real estate transactions of her own recently when she unloaded her disturbing mausoleum of 1980s era trad decor in Mulholland Estates and reportedly purchased a 4,300 square foot freshly built Montecito-style mini-manse in Sherman Oaks.

According to property records and listing information, Mister Reynolds' three acre spread butts up against a State Park, and the 12,500 (approx.) square foot Mediterranean style house features 5 bedrooms, 7 bathrooms, a billiard room, a cinema room and a 2 bedroom guest house.

Your Mama's stomach is weak today, so we're just going to sum up our two cents in as few words as possible and then we're going move on and let the children slice and dice the place. The setting is lovely (if you dig this part of Florida, which Your Mama does not) and the enormously long driveway, water side swimming pool, helipad, and dock space large enough for a big ol' yacht are all nice features in a high priced Florida getaway.

But Jeezis, Mary and Joseph the interior spaces are a hot mess and Your Mama would Cannonball Run outta that house as quickly as our little legs could carry us before our eyeballs burned up in their sockets from looking too closely at the decorating disaster that is Mister Reynolds residence. Please note the migraine inducing pink and paneled game room with the stuffed bear and also that snowball like dining room chandelier which probably hasn't been touched since Loni lived there and very well might still have a tuft of her shellacked hair clinging to it. Ugh!

Oh Burt. Your Mama is just so disappointed. We really hoped you would have gone the extra mile and used some of your deep pockets and big bank accounts to hire a nice gay decorator to update and do over your house with the restraint and style benefiting an aging film and television icon like yourself. Perhaps in your next and more modest digs you'll see fit to have someone help you edit your lifetime worth of memorabilia and shape it into a killer and coherent collection that succinctly reflects your long, long career rather than looking like piles of clutter and junk you're too lazy to take to the dump.

UPDATE: Simon Fuller

Your Mama hears from Junebug that the Simon Fuller house we discussed yesterday is actually quietly on the market. Junebug hears through the gossip grapevine that the house is being shopped at $8,500,000.

Junebug also reveals that Mister Fuller purchased the Tanager Way house as an interim property while his Bev Hills property was being renovated. That renovation is complete (or nearly complete), and Mister Fuller can finally move in to his Ridgedale Drive manse that's just a few doors down from Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman's compound which remains on the market with a fat asking price of $31,900,000.

Michael Jackson Saved From the Poor House?

Mister Roger Friedman who writes the Fox 411 column for Fox News always has the most up to date information about financially embattled former pop star Michael Jackson, and yesterday he reported that the monetarily challenged Gloved One finally finagled a lending institution (rumored to be HSBC Private Banking) into refinancing and restructuring his Grand Canyon sized debt.

According to Friedman, the deal may have put as much as $25,000,000 into Mister Jackson's handbag, which is a lot of money to most people. But not to Michael Jackson. Oh lawhd have mercy, The White Lady needs far more than $25,000,000 to get him anywhere near debt free and liquid. In fact, Mister Friedman speculates (and we always believe Mister Friedman) that Mister Jackson's immediate payments to settle debts and lost legal brouhahas could total as much as $20,000,000. Which leaves the Jackson four (and Miz Raymone Bain makes five) only five million clams to live on...and ya'll know Miss Thing can run through five million dollars like it was five dollars.

Presumably, Mister Jackson receives fat royalty checks from his Sony/ATV/Beatles music catalog, but Your Mama imagines that a substantial chunk of those royalties must be utilized just to service the payments on his spine tingling and reported $300,000,000 loan.

But we're here for the real estate, right kids? Mister Jackson's somewhat modest windfall will apparently do little to shore up his sagging and highly leveraged real estate portfolio. No word on whether this Jackson or one of the other Jacksons took the necessary steps to pay off the $16,000+ tax lien or satisfy the $4,000,000 (approx.) mortgage on the Jackson family seat on Hayvenhurst Avenue in Encino.

Mister Jackson still has a couple of weeks to right the pending foreclosure at Neverland Ranch, his former home in the Santa Ynez Valley where he has not officially lived since mid 2005. The lender on the property is calling in over $23,000,000, and based on Mister Friedman's mathematics, it would seem that Mister Jackson is not likely to have the wherewithal to satisfy that debt and the 2,700 acre property may (very publicly) slide into foreclosure.

What a damn mess. Listen to Your Mama now Mister Jackson. Just put Neverland Ranch on the market and let some rich guy from Dubai buy it, or sell it off to John Bersci or some other swanky developer who will de-juju the place, sub-divide it and sell it off as gentleman ranches.

And where is the unnaturally pale skinned Mister Jackson living now? Well Mister Friedman tell us that Mister Jackson was so strapped for cash that he and the kids (and we assume that krazy talking Miz Bain) were camped out in Las Vegas with his mama Katherine. Poor thing didn't even have the cash (or credit?) to afford a room at The Flamingo.

Listen Michael, you can't live whitcher mama the rest of yer damn life, and you still have a mega asset that you can sell off. So do it. Do what you know you've got to do. Sell everything, buy a nice house out in Santa Clarita and retire gracefully while your children attend school, make friends and learn how to live in the world without a gauzy piece of fabric draped over their poor little heads. We know you like that sort of high voltage performance when you shop at Barnes and Noble looking like Humpty damn Dumpty in a head scarf after they put him back together again, but did you ever stop to think your children might be damaged by that kind of shenanigans?

Anywoo, enough of that soap box children. Your Mama apologizes for the digression away from the real estate.

Friday, January 4, 2008

UPDATE: Parker Posey

Back in late October of 2007, Your Mama followed up on a report by Max Abelson in the NY Observer about indie movie high priestess Parker Posey's East Village apartment being sold. The top floor 1 bedroom and 1 bathroom apartment located in a lovely landmark townhouse on East 10th Street was on the market for $1,175,000 and by all accounts attracted heaps and scores of interested buyers.

Certainly the other famous residents of the purdy and well located building–Smashing Pumpkins' James Iha and Miz Posey's indie film grasshopper Chloë Sevigny–helped scare up ready, willing and able buyers eager to shell out well over a million clams to climb three or four flights of stairs in a non-doorman building.

Today, thanks to generous assistance from Joan of Arc, Your Mama offers the children a few more photos over which to drool and feast your celebrity home starved eyeballs. Note the above photographs have slight furniture and rug variations to the image(s) that were included on the real estate listing, so Your Mama imagines that the delightful Miz Posey had her decorator Rafael de Cárdenas come by periodically to mix things up.

Do the children notice that swirly gold side table thing? We. Love. It. And we'd bet one of our long bodied bitches Linda or Beverly that it's just some cheap gold spray paint from the hardware store too, which makes it even better. Be assured that come spring weather Your Mama will be out in the backyard of our beach house carving up a stump and spray painting it gold to add a bit of glitz and glamor to one of the guest rooms.

Here's what we said about Miz Posey's former abode previously, and we stand buy it:

"Your Mama is very pleased and impressed with Miz Posey's funky downtown decor. It looks like a pleasant and well curated mish-mash of items from the Avenue A flea, Las Venus (the old and wacky Las Venus on Ludlow Street and not the mid-century modern outpost), and any number of assorted thrift shops located in church basements around lower Manhattan. I don't care what anyone says, that gnarled wood coffee table is flawless, even if it is murder on the chins after a few drinky-poos at Parker's place."

Your Mama has not found evidence of this property transferring ownership yet, so we don't know how much it sold for or who purchased don't even ask.

Wherever Miz Posey and her collection of second-hand furniture has landed, Your Mama wishes her all best.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

It's the Birds for Simon Fuller

BUYER: Simon Fuller
LOCATION: Tanager Way, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $7,650,000 (sale)
SIZE: 3,300 square feet (approx.), 3 bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Soaring estate by Mark Schomisch Design perched on the most prestigious crest in the bird streets. Museum modern architecture with sweeping city lights and coastline views is a union of the sophisticated and sublime. Floor to ceiling glass walls create impressive volume and open to an expansive terrace with knife-edged infinity pool & spa. Remarkably private, the home boasts refined finishes, exotic wall coverings and state of the art Smart Home technology.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: We're digging into our archives for this one children, so don't any of you bitchy brats be giving Your Mama no lip, sass or snotty email about how this purchase took place back in February of 2007. Don't you think we know that already?

Anyhoo, located high above Sunset Boulevard, this 3,300 square foot (approx.) slice of bird street bliss was given a big gay redo by Los Angeles based designer Mark Schomisch for a couple of Hollywood homosexuals with good jobs, fat paychecks and a penchant for animal skins, gold leaf and acres of black marble. The overhaul included freeing the exterior elevations from its previous life as a dated and shabby ranch house with killer views as well as reconfiguring, opening up and teaching the interior spaces to merge with the outdoor spaces.

Although we are inclined to swoon and moon over this house, don't fool your smart-alleck selves into thinking that Your Mama is in love with this interior decor lock, stock and barrel, because we're not. In fact we are quite sure we'd pee out pants from fright coming up on those statues flanking the fireplace in the darkened living room after a hard night of gin and tonics and reality television. We are naturally quite concerned the tufted sofa in the media room/library would knot our back up while watching a Project Runway marathon, and we'd most assuredly vomit out our intestines if we stepped bleary eyed out of our morning bed onto a fur rug like we see in the master bedroom. It is only Your Mama's humble and meaningless opinion, but whatever that piece of mink or fox or raccoon cost, it was too damn much.

We would never even hint at it to our lovely ladee therapist for fear of having to spend months parsing it's deeper meaning, but we are quite simply a sucker for a forbidding street facade like we see on Mister Fuller's Tanager Way house. We are also of the somewhat sound mind that the excessively manicured bushes have a charmingly quirky thing happening, and the pair of gold leaf screens, which not only provide decorative security, remind Your Mama of giant Oscar statuettes. Entering and exiting this house would provide the distinctly delightful feeling of walking down the red carpet at the Kodak Thee-a-ter every damn day.

We are also, much to our surprise, bent backwards with glee over the kitchen with all that black marble affixed to just about every flat surface. Black marble like this seems totally impractical and we're deeply concerned about constant water spotting on this material, but if Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter lived here we'd just have to resign ourselves into having Svetlana (and her sister-in-law Oksana) come in several days a week to deal effectively with that issue.

The vein-cut travertine flooring inside the house stretches out to the decently sized pool terrace that features a fireplace and a view expansive enough to silence even the most jaded queens and the most fervent Hollywood Hills real estate snobs. At least on a clear day. You Mama does not always care for a "knife-edged infinity pool" but we'll take this dee-lishus cee-ment pond without complaint or snark.

Listen up children, the photos here reflect the interior decor BEFORE American Idol creator and celebrity manager extraordinaire Simon Fuller purchased the 3 bedroom (plus library) and 3.5 bathroom aerie in February for 2007. Property records reveal the entertainment mogul paid $7,650,000 for the freshly rehabbed house that Your Mama presumes the London based millionaire uses as a pied a terre.

Y'all know who Mister Fuller is, right? In the off chance that you don't, here's a Reader's Digest rundown: Mister Fuller, who created the reality television phenomena that is American Idol– and all the other Idol programs for that matter–discovered the boozy mess that is Amy Winehouse, manages former supermodel Claudia Schiffer, Victoria Beckham and The Spice Girls as well as a large number of other big name celebs. He's the brainiac who engineered ball playing super stud David Beckham's unnaturally large $250,000,000 deal with the LA Galaxy, and, Mister Fuller's company 19 Entertainment has contracts with most of the noteworthy and money making Idol alums such as Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood, Clay Aiken and Will Young, just to name a few. So the children should be able to easily ascertain that the forty something year old man is stinking rich and wields an almost Svengali-like power over the entertainment bizness.

While he remains president of Entertainment 19, in March of 2005 Mister Fuller sold the group for a reported and jaw dropping $192,000,000, which in addition to his long list of royalties, syndication rights and current projects surely places him among the wealthiest of all the Hollywood bigwig types. The man can afford to live just about any way and any where he chooses and his real estate portfolio reportedly bulges with a dozen dee-luxe homes around the world including another residence on Ridgedale Drive that sits just a few doors down from the Bev Hills house that Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston used to call home. Mister Fuller also recently dumped $19,360,752 on two adjacent ninth floor condos at the yet to be completed condominium conversion at The Plaza Residences at the corner of Fifth Avenue and 59th Street in Manhattan.

Nearby neighbors to the Tanager Way house include ex Will and Grace rich behatcha Megan Mullally, who lives up the road and smack next door to the house the Tobey Maguire recently sold for $10,800,000. A little farther up from Miz Mullally lives Mister Keanu Reeves and his dirty clothes. Next door to Mister Fuller's pied a terre is the house that super songwriter Diane Warren bought from Miss David Geffen back in 1995 and is thought by many to be have one of the very best views in all of the hills.

Your Mama does not know Mister Fuller personally, so we really can't offer the children any valid reason why the man might want or need two lavish homes in Los Angeles that are only a few miles distance from each other, but who are we to question the real estate needs of the super rich entertainment mogul, right?

Mrs. Hulk Hogan's Temporary Home

Everyone knows all about and probably too damn much about the troubled Hulk Hogan family. They got one daughter who makes a "career" singing in malls across America and strutting red carpets wearing trashy and tawdry outfits that barely cover her naughty bits. They've got that teenage son who acts too big for his d-list britches and recently wrapped his car around a palm tree in Miami and nearly killed his passenger friend. Then of course there is the pending dee-vorce of Mama and Papa Hogan. Honestly kids, Your Mama does not know any details of their dee-vorce and you know what? We don't really care to know.

What we do know is that not long after the Hogan family sold their Miami Beach house to action film director and producer Michael Bay for just under its asking price of $18,900,000 and shortly after leaked dee-vorce documents revealed the Hogans were splitting, Mrs. Linda Bollea (that's Mrs. Hogan to wrestling fans) packed her Louis Vuitton cases and work out bags and headed to Los Angeles where she rented a house on Hilts Avenue in Little Holmby Hills. According to property records, the house measures 3,552 square feet with 4 bedrooms and 3.5 bathrooms.

A well connected source informs Your Mama that the house was listed for lease at $18,000 per month, but we have no way of confirming the exact amount that was paid to the non-celeb landlord.

Now kids, don't even think of rolling by this house like some stoopid looky loo star fucker because we're quite certain that if Mister Hulk Hogan is around he'd sooner kick your ass as have you poking around in the bushes. And if he don't get on you, then we suspect that kinda butch looking Brooke might be able to give most of you nuts a serious beat down. Besides, our source tells us that the soon to be ex Mrs. Hulk Hogan has already moved on.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

The 15 Central Park West Rundown

While glass tower developments rise all over Manhattan, noted starchitect Robert A.M. Stern did a complete 180 to Manhattan's prevailing architectural trend when he designed the limestone clad towers at 15 Central Park West for the Zeckendorf brothers (the developers). The uber dee-luxe condo project has more in common with it's pre-war ancestors and neighbors that circle Central Park than with much ballyhooed projects as Dutch-born starchitect Winka Dubbeldam's pleated glass curtain on Greenwich Street or any of the many Richard Meier green glass towers that line the Westside Highway.

Few buildings in New York City have received more press than 15 CPW and there's really little we can add that hasn't already been said about the lavish and obscenely expensive building. However, since Your Mama has been receiving phone calls, emails and telegrams up the wazoo wanting to know what's what and who's who at the new at 15 Central Park West, we thought we'd weigh in with a short list of some the deep pocketed big names who have scooped up high priced condominiums in the soon to be completed two-tower building.

The complex is comprised to two buildings joined by a lavish lobby. The "House" side fronts Central Park and the "Tower" side rises behind to more than 40 stories. Resident amenities include pre-war sized rooms and unusually large windowed kitchens, a large motor court so that the ridiculously rich residents need not been seen by the common folks when entering or exiting the building, full time doormen and concierge staff (natch), a private 20 seat theater, 20 wine cellars (sold separately), 29 staff suites (sold separately), room service, a private in-house chef, a fully stocked library, landscaped out door space, and a massive health club with a 75 foot long lap pool.

While there are several Hollywood celebrity types that have purchased condos, many of the hideously high-priced penthouse units were scooped up by Wall Street types, who despite a downturn in the economy feel no pinch in their own pocketbooks. Certainly our short list below does not represent all the big names with fat bank accounts who are set to shack up in 15 CPW, so if any of you kids would like to provide us with more high profile names, be sure to give Your Mama a jingle.

1. Legendary television writer and producer Norman Lear and his wifey Lyn reportedly purchased a 2,800 square foot (approx.), 2 bedroom and 2.5 bathroom unit for nearly $10,000,000. We think they may have in fact purchased a high floor B line unit in the "Tower." According to the NY Post, the octogenarians are downsizing from their 15 room sprawler at 828 5th Avenue.

2. Just about every real estate gossip has reported that television sportscaster Bob Costas recently forked over $11,017,000 for an 8th floor "House" unit. Property records indicate the Costas residence measures 3,333 square foot with 4 bedrooms and 4.5 bathrooms, however, listing information for that unit shows the residence measuring 3,454 square feet with 3 bedrooms (plus library) and 4 bathrooms. Not sure why the discrepancy.

3. Oscar winning actor and Beverly Park denizen Denzel Washington is reported to have shelled out around $12,000,000 for an approx. 3,000 square foot unit facing Central Park with 3 bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms, and a park view terrace. Your Mama speculates that Mister Washington's unit may be located at the southern end of the 38th floor of the "Tower," but we're not certain. Nothing like an 8-figure New York City pied a terre.

5. Filthy rich NASCAR star Jeff Gordon purchased a 3,800 square foot unit.

6. Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein, who brought home a reported $68,500,000 in 2007, is rumored to have used $27,000,000 of his bacon to purchase one of the larger condos at 15 CPW. Your Mama speculates (speculates, children, speculates) it might be the 6,473 square foot penthouse on the 42nd floor of the "Tower."

7. Although nobody seems to know which one, one of the gazillionaire Google guys, is rumored to have purchased a high floor spread in the "Tower" to the tune of around $30,000,000. No one connected to that sale is yakking or leaking and none of the real estate gossips, including Your Mama, have been able to confirm.

8. Fifty something and still touring rock star Sting and his long time wifey Trudi Styler reportedly dropped around $30,000,000 for a 5,500 square foot "Tower" side duplex with 5 bedrooms and a terrace. However, the Tantric sexing couple recently took their current home, another massive Central Park West duplex, off the market. Could it be they've changed their minds about moving down the street?
9. Former Citigroup CEO and current billionaire banker Sandy Weill is said to have spent $42,405,000 for a 6,744 square foot penthouse unit on the 20th floor of the "House" side of the building. That's a coma inducing $6,200 per square foot, children. Think about that for minute. The full floor residence includes 4 bedrooms (plus 1 maids room), 6.5 bathrooms, nearly 1,979 square feet of terraces, and a surprisingly unimaginative floor plan (see above, thanks to the good folks at Curbed). You'll note the small secondary bedrooms with their small bathrooms and paltry closet space. No offense to Mister Stern, the Zeckendorfs or Mister Weill, but for forty some million smackers Your Mama wants properly sized guest rooms that do not feel cramped and claustrophobic like those itty bitty caves at the Paramount Hotel.

Property records reflect that Mister and Missus Weill also purchased a 1,079 square foot, 1 bedroom and 1.5 bathroom residence, presumably for guests, staff or a nearby place to go when they need a little time away from each other. Although the schedule A for the building indicates the unit had a price of $2,100,000, records show the couple paid only $950,000 for the sixth floor unit.

10. Hedge fund honcho Daniel Loeb is reported to have purchased both units on the 39th floor of the "Tower" for a staggering $45,000,000 (approx.). Combined the units have 10 bedrooms and 10,700 square feet.

As more of the units close and are recorded, Your Mama expects that a few more big name residents will be revealed. Stay tuned. The real question is whether living in the building will live up the the hype and sky high prices.

UPDATE: Ellen Degeneres

The children who are not still working a New Years Eve hangover will recall that real estate maven Ellen Degeneres and her horse luvvin' ladee lover Portia Di Rossi recently scooped up Will and Grace co-creator Max Mutchnick's freshly built Bev Hills mansion for the not very bargain basement price of just over $29,000,000.

Since Miz D. loves a compound and typically buys several adjacent properties, Your Mama speculated that the Sapphic couple would also purchase the Cabrillo Drive property across the street. Property records now reveal that the real estate rich lezbeeuns did indeed snap up the 4,580 square foot, 5 bedroom, 4 bathroom house from celebrity real estate agent Jade Mills.

What property records do not reveal, however, is the purchase price. But the children are in luck today because Your Mama hears from an obscenely well connected source that they gurls paid somewhere in the neighborhood of $8,500,000. We can not corroborate that number with records at this point, so don't read that as some sort of's's rumor at this point kids, just rumor.

We've also heard, from two unconnected sources, that Miz D. is planning to gate the street below the well fortified entrance to their bat-cave garage. That is unless they are able to convince the owners of the third and remaining property on the dead end street to sell too. Owning that third property would allow the privacy seekers to gate almost the entire street. Finally, the perfectly private compound of her real estate dreams.

Now children, we hope there's really no need to say this again, but don't even think of driving your cheap ass auto-mo-beels up Cabrillo Drive thinking you're going to catch a glimpse of these two ladees, because your stoopid ass will just be unceremoniously turned away by one of their 24/7 armed and beefy security guards.

Now then, let the potlucks begin.

Slash Sells the San Fernando Valley Family Home

SELLER: Slash and Perla Hudson
LOCATION: Valley Vista Boulevard, Sherman Oaks, CA
PRICE: $3,750,000 (list); $3,450,000 (sale)
SIZE: 5,980 square feet, 6 bedrooms, 7 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Sleek, sexy, sophisticated, private gated estate with infinity ozone pool. Contemporary, Zen design with 7 bedrooms, 7 bathrooms, 3 fireplaces, Crestron system. Beautiful mingling of family feeling and ultra-cool! This gorgeous property provides complete privacy yet gives a 180 degree view of the valley. Truly a trophy property!

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Welcome to the year 2008 children. Onward. Forward. Upward.

Frizzy haired former Guns and Roses guitarist Slash (real name: Saul Hudson and now picking with Velvet Revolver) has been much in the real estate gossip columns lately due to the heavy duty hullabaloo and legal wrangling over the Hollywood Hills house he purchased back in December of 2005 and recently sold at a loss to some dude who is a relief pitcher for the San Diego Padres. But as we first learned a week or two ago from the always resourceful Mister Big Time, that was not the only real estate transaction that Mister Slash and his reportedly soon to be ex-wifey Perla have been involved in of late.

Property records reveal that in March of 2002, back when Slash and Perla still made googly eyes at each other, the couple purchased this Sherman Oaks property for $2,150,000. Back then, they were recently and happily married and getting ready to push out a baby or two, so this 5,980 square foot uber-private property overlooking the San Fernando Valley surely seemed a perfect fit. With 6 bedrooms and 7 bathrooms, it offered plenty of room for the rock star couple, their on-the-way babies and a live in nanny. No puppies, Your Mama does not not if the Slash's nanny lived with them or even if they had a damn nanny. The point is there was plenty of room for a nanny if they had one. Alright?

Anyhoo, Mister and Missus Slash have been dealing with dee-vorce rumors for some time now and given that property records (and Mister Big Time) reveal that they've now sold off their San Fernando family nest for $3,450,000, Your Mama expects the rumors to become deafening in the world of people who care about the marriages of hard rocking guitarists. That is unless Slash's PR flaks announce that they'll be starting over in a new and more glammy house somewhere else. It's Hollywood children. It could happen. According to the listing information provided to Your Mama by our Fairy Godmother in Beverly Hills, the house was last listed at $3,750,000 after having been reduced from $3,995,000.

Your Mama confesses that we are frequently somewhat surprised by the private homes of rock stars who have lived notoriously chaotic, boozey, and floozy filled lives. For better or worse we expect them to be haphazardly "decorated" with black leather sofas, displays of Wild Turkey bottles on the mantles and dozens of ashtrays filled with cigarette butts and spittle sitting on stacks of pornographic videos. But au contrare. As is so often case and despite Your Mama's stereotypical expectations, the Slash house cuts a much more sophisticated, polished and family friendly residential environment than we imagined.

The house is accessed up a long and lovely celebrity style driveway that climbs to the peak of a promontory that provides 180 degree views of the San Fernando Valley. The house appears to be a simple ranch house that was completely re-worked into a warmly contemporary house.

Now, Your Mama already knows that most of you children are going to shred this place to bits, because that's what you do. But we're going to go against the grain this morning and say that it is our opinion that this property possesses enough favorable features to make it an pleasing place to shack up. No hunnies, this is not a place Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter would choose to live...we'd never dream of having 7 bedrooms or 7 bathrooms or a Sherman Oaks address...but for a well do Galleria going family with too many damn kids, it's a sensible and sound option.

Do we think those red suede sofa things in the bedroom should be removed? Yes. Are we concerned that the massive number of candles surrounding the spa tub present a potential fire hazard? Indeed. Do we loathe the credenza in the dining room and does snail looking artwork hanging over the fireplace in the living room give us the heebie-jeebies? Yes, of course.

None the less, Your Mama happens to be of the mind that if you crave a private estate in the San Fernando Valley with a large number of bedrooms and you have a few million clams to spend, you could do much, much worse than this place. Your Mama is actually quite fond of the flagstone flooring throughout the living, dining and kitchen areas and we can only hope Mister and Missus Slash had radiant heating installed under that stone floor. The large kitchen offers a good work flow and heaps of counter space for cooking, if cooking is what you desire to do in the kitchen. And while we'd flush the ottoman and choose a different chair entirely, we are swooning over the fitted dressing room that gives way to a small terrace at the front of the house which is perfect for testing the temperature in the morning to determine if you need a sweater or not.

Your Mama might have chosen a big beat up black-waxed farmhouse table with eight white Panton chairs and a pair of gorgeous gold leaf twig chandeliers by Gwen Carlton, however, we adore the shady vine covered terrace even if we fell a bit pukey about the patio furniture. The landscaping is uninspired and the patchy grass looks like it could use a little more attention by the gardeners, but children, even if you think infinity pools have become passe and even if you don't possess a burning desire to own a long view over the flat lands of the San Fernando Valley, this is a lovely, modestly and manageably scaled back yard that offers the kind of privacy and open sky that most people in urban areas can only dream.

We await word from a well connected source to tell us where Mister Slash, Perla and the children will be moving and also whether they'll be moving together or separately. Perhaps Slash will truck his bags over to a house high in the hills above Malee-boo and Perla will head over the hill to Beverly Hills where the children can be educated at Crossroads or one of the other better bohemian private schools that dot the Westside of of Los Angeles.

Whatever the case, Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter wish them all a Happy New Year and much peace in 2008. Fracturing families are never funny and we sincerely hope that should Mister and Missus Slash head to dee-vorce court that they are able to remain civil and graceful for the sake of their babies.

Tuesday, January 1, 2008


Your Mama would like to wish all the children a happy, healthy and prosperous New Year.

Much to our great surprise and delight, our little corner of the blog world grew exponentially in 2007 thanks to all the celebrity real estate hungry children, our vast spider web of tipsters and sources, the researchers who dig up all sorts of strange and interesting tidbits, all the other blogs and websites who have so generously linked over to our discussions, the magazines and newspapers and so on and so forth.

Your Mama looks forward to a 2008 filled with more and more and more and in fact we've already lined up a long list of celebrity homes to discuss in the beginning days of 2008, so fasten your seat belts children because it's going to be a wild ride.

Now go watch some football or be with your families or whatever people do on New Years Day while Your Mama spends the morning fussing and fighting with this fat hangover that is working our last nerve.