Saturday, December 29, 2007

Ryan Seacrest's Redo in Nichols Canyon

BUYER: Ryan Seacrest
SELLER: Kevin Costner
LOCATION: Nichols Canyon Road, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $11,500,00 (sale)
SIZE: 8,172 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Say what you will regarding the much speculated about sexual ambiguity of the frosted, fake tanned and well frocked Mister Ryan Seacrest, but he's richer than the damn Pope and he recently completed a pricey and full scale re-decorative redo of the natty Nichols Canyon casa he purchased in April of 2006 from smug (and formerly sexy) Oscar winning actor Kevin Costner.

Chill out children, Your Mama is well aware that this purchase is O.L.D. in the world of celebrity real estate, but given that Mister Seacrest recently debuted his overhauled Spanish style crib in the shiny pages of Architectural Digest, Your Mama thought that all the children who do not take the time read or spend the money on fussy interior decoration glossies might like a peek into the metrosexual hunny's private lair high in the hills above the Hollywood world in which he has inexplicably become a major player.

For the privilege of living in Kevin Costner's sloppy real estate seconds, the manicured Mister Seacrest reportedly outbid pop diva Gwen Stafani, and property records reveal the toothy radio host dumped $11,500,000 for the gated flag lot parcel that includes a 5 bedroom and 4 bathroom, 8,172 square foot main house with a glammy motor court sitting at the end of a long celebrity style driveway. There is plenty of garage space for Mister Seacrest's pimped out whips, a tennis court with a long view over Los Angeles, staff quarters, a gym (natch), and a gorgeous swimming pool (not pictured) perfectly sunk into a swath of deep green grass as well tended as Your Mama reluctantly imagines Mister Seacrest's nether regions and naughty bits to be.

According to the January 2008 article in Architectural Digest (you must subscribe to read it online puppies), the house, dubbed Casa di Pace, was worked over by well known interior designer Jeff Andrews, whose website quotes Mister Seacrest as saying, "He understood the feeling of peace I wanted to capture in my home. The house now feels timeless due to his ability to clearly capture and execute MY vision." (Emphasis added by Your Mama.) So it would seem to Your Mama that what you are really looking at up there in the photos children, is Mister Seacrest's own interior design "vision" made manifest by a well paid shopper and fluffer.

Now children, quite frankly Your Mama does not care which way Mister Manicure swings and it is certainly none of our beeswax, but the man shops like Katie Holmes, primps like Miss America, works and colors his hair like nobody's bizness, guides his very accomplished decorator and still he wonders why the world thinks he might be friend of Dorothy? Puh-leeze!

And just what does Your Mama think of Mister Seacrest's House of Peace? Well, children, it's certainly decorated, isn't it? While it's all a little fussy for Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter, the interior spaces have a cozy and intimate feeling and a nicely considered and muted palette–except for that not very nice burgundy color in the entrance rotunda which we're not feeling very positive about. Truckloads of mammoth carved wood furniture have been paired with velvet this and leather thats in an effort to create that unique brand of interior decorating "masculinity" that can only be achieved with the deft hands of a professional (and most likely nice gay) decorator and the fat bank account of a sexually ambiguous single man. Yes children, it's lovely, comfortable and "masculine," but it's also about as butch as Mister Seacrest.

Now that Mister Seacrest has allowed the world into his home via Architectural Digest, Your Mama wonders if he's considering selling the place. It has been our experience that celebs and quasi celebs who allow the glossies and tabs into their home for extensive photo shoots often put their houses on the market shortly thereafter. We'll see. But until such time arrives that Mister Seacrest decides to move and and execute his decorating vision somewhere else, Your Mama wishes him heaps of pace in his casa.

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