Grieving during the Holidays

How do you grieve during the holidays? See what the experts have to say about it in my most recent article.

Do you have ideas or suggestions about how to grieve well during the holidays? Comment below!

Running or walking your way to fundraising

Raising money in memory of someone you love? I've been talking about this a lot lately since I'm so excited about doing that myself. I've never done it before, though I've wanted to do it from time to time.

If you need inspiration for your own fundraising efforts, check out my article on Examiner here. I have some links to popular fundraising causes, which, simply looking at their webpages is enough to get anyone excited.

I encourage anyone to get involved with a cause that they can run (or walk) behind. This is especially wonderful in memory of someone you love.

Miles for Melanoma Page

I've now officially set up my Miles for Melanoma page for donations. Simply click here if you'd like to donate or check out the Melanoma Research Foundation.

While the donations are for my upcoming Seattle Marathon road race November 29th, you can still access the donation page after the race.

Donating to help research for any cancer helps other cancers, so please consider donating even if melanoma isn't your normal cancer you consider.

And thanks as always for being such an awesome audience! Please comment about your charity in memory of someone you love, too!

Miles for Melanoma

As some of my readers already know, my dad died of melanoma so I have a "soft spot" for battling that particular cancer. My mom and I are training for the race. It is very exciting since this is her first race!

So to do so, I have signed up to raise money for the Melanoma Research Foundation through their Miles for Melanoma program. I am participating in the Seattle Marathon (actually doing the half marathon race) on November 29th.

If you're interested in contributing, I will have a link to my donations page up here as soon as the MRF has it available.

Also, I am completely supportive of others trying to do their own fundraising efforts in memory of a family member or because you or a family member is battling a particular disease. If you'd like me to post something about your fundraising efforts, please comment below and I'll get in touch with you!

Financial Implications of Premature Death

Many people are going along assuming the best: they will live an "average" life span, live in an "average" income bracket, have that "average" home and be able to have the "average" amount of adult "toys". And if things go really well, then the "average" will be bumped up to "upper-middle-class" or "wealthy/affluent" lifestyle. But we do not often plan for the pitfalls: Recession, economic downturns, divorce, job loss, expensive health care for adults or kids or premature death. In this post, I will focus in on not being prepared for the individual "economic downturn" of a family dealing with a premature death.

A few years ago, MetLife did a study about the effects of premature death on a family. The study focused on people loosing a spouse between the ages of 30-55 years of age. The results showed that the majority of people studied were underinsured. We all understand that concept with auto insurance--when underinsured and you hit someone else, you pay out-of-pocket--sometimes in a quite large amount. The same holds true for being underinsured with life insurance, except that it costs a family left behind big time! They found that most people underinsured had less than three times the life insurance for annual expenses for the household (2006, p. 3).

"The ... studies indicate that there is a significant gap between perceived adequacy of life insurance coverage levels among American consumers and the true need among beneficiaries when tragedy strikes" (2006, p. 3).

39% of families had no life insurance when their spouse died. 40% of these families had children under 18 at the time of death in addition to all being married (p. 5).

66% of families with life insurance had less than 3 times the annual replacement income (p. 6).

Considering that most financial professionals suggest a replacement rate at 10 times the annual expenses, this number seems all the more shocking. Only 19% of families with life insurance had even 5 times the annual replacement rate.

The average was 2.1 (p. 7). Considering an average family an annual income of $40,000 per year for the person who was deceased, this means that the family had $84,000 in life insurance. When tragedy would strike, as it did for those studied who were between age 30-55, the families were left without much.

Would $84,000 replace the rest of the deceased person's lifetime earnings? Hardly. After funeral expenses (about $6,000-10,000 for an average funeral), would the $74,000 left go towards much? Would they have last medical expenses to pay? These could easily take up the rest of the policy. This would not leave any for a spouse to get additional training or time for experience to match the salary of the deceased, if that was an issue, or to earn more than the deceased, if they had relied on two incomes. This is not to mentioning paying for expenses related to the children such as the children's education. And it does not take into account the day-to-day services that the deceased spouse helped with such as car maintenance, mowing the lawn, childcare or other related chores.

It is important for families to be prepared when tragedy strikes. If not insured or underinsured, it is important to seek out the right amount of insurance. And considering that more than half of the families who have a spouse die are either uninsured or underinsured, we need to consider how we may help these families as well. If you were uninsured or underinsured when a spouse died, it is important to seek out people who will give you sound financial advice while attempting to rebuild your life. It can be done, but it is difficult to do.

References

MetLife (2006). "Financial Impact of Premature Death". Retrieved September 17, 2009. www.metlife.com.

Podcast on Loosing Someone Dear

The Podcast I did with the ladies from Inspirations Generations is now up and available. You can download it and listen to it by following the link here. This mother-daughter show host team recently lost their third show host who was mother and grandmother to them, respectively.

We had some great conversations about grief, how it can be unexpected but, ultimately, it can be something God uses for a person to grow. It was delightful getting to know these two lovely ladies a little while on the interview!

How to Help Grievers

One of the questions that has come up a lot in interviews I have done is what should people do to support people who are grieving? I am still learning not only from my own experience, but from others that I have talked with while doing interviews and informal conversations. Here are a few nuggets that I have acquired. If you have anything to add that helped you while bereaved or you wished people had done, then please feel free to comment below.

1) Be specific. Offer to help in a specific, tangible way. Do not say, "If there's anything I can do, then call me." That ultimately puts the ball in the bereaved person's court, and as someone going through a tumultuous time, the grieving person may not be in a place to pick up a phone to ask something of the "If there's anything ..." person. And saying, "If there's anything ..." is ultimately getting you off of the hook for helping. Instead, offer what you'd like to offer and let the grieving person let you know if that's something they'd like. Ask something more like, "I'd like to bring you a casserole on Thursday, would that be good, or would you like a dinner on another night?" This way the griever can respond to the specific offer for help. A lot of grieving people do appreciate meals right away, but you can be creative in what you'd like to offer as help.

2) Don't push. Do not demand to impose your idea on the griever. For instance, do not say, "I'm coming Wednesday to paint the exterior of your home since you need to sell it obviously since your husband died and you have no income. I have a crew set, and we'll be there at 6am and I expect you to help, too." This kind of atrocity does happen to grieving people where well-meaning friends demand to help in the specific way they want to. Instead, refer to point #1 as to how to rephrase your request to help. Offering to paint may still be helpful, but it may be something the griever wants after a little while.

3) Always be a friend. Listen, care, ask for specific requests to pray for the griever, hear their story, give them time (standard grieving lasts 18 months to 2 years, but can last longer in some cases and the bereaved person will still always miss their loved one who died). Be there when no one else is. Do not tell them what to do or what they ought to be doing. Be patient, kind and observant of your friend's needs.

These are a few ideas to help you get started in helping your grieving friend through this difficult time. As always, there are many, many other ways that you can help. Be sensitive, see where there is an opportunity and fill that role for your grieving friends.

---

Latest News/Interviews:

How do you deal with the death of a parent or grandparent? What should you give yourself permission to do when grieving? How can people support those who are grieving? Find out this and more on my latest Podcast with the mother/daughter team from Inspirations Generations.

Does being bereaved increase increase your risk for illness? Find out what researchers at the University of Sydney have recently discovered in this article.