
One of the questions that has come up a lot in interviews I have done is what should people do to support people who are grieving? I am still learning not only from my own experience, but from others that I have talked with while doing interviews and informal conversations. Here are a few nuggets that I have acquired. If you have anything to add that helped you while bereaved or you wished people had done, then please feel free to comment below.
1)
Be specific. Offer to help in a specific, tangible way. Do not say, "If there's anything I can do, then call me." That ultimately puts the ball in the bereaved person's court, and as someone going through a tumultuous time, the grieving person may not be in a place to pick up a phone to ask something of the "If there's anything ..." person. And saying, "If there's anything ..." is ultimately getting you off of the hook for helping. Instead, offer what you'd like to offer and let the grieving person let you know if that's something they'd like. Ask something more like, "I'd like to bring you a casserole on Thursday, would that be good, or would you like a dinner on another night?" This way the griever can respond to the specific offer for help. A lot of grieving people do appreciate meals right away, but you can be creative in what you'd like to offer as help.
2)
Don't push. Do not demand to impose your idea on the griever. For instance, do not say, "I'm coming Wednesday to paint the exterior of your home since you need to sell it obviously since your husband died and you have no income. I have a crew set, and we'll be there at 6am and I expect you to help, too." This kind of atrocity does happen to grieving people where well-meaning friends demand to help in the specific way they want to. Instead, refer to point #1 as to how to rephrase your request to help. Offering to paint may still be helpful, but it may be something the griever wants after a little while.
3)
Always be a friend. Listen, care, ask for specific requests to pray for the griever, hear their story, give them time (standard grieving lasts 18 months to 2 years, but can last longer in some cases and the bereaved person will still always miss their loved one who died). Be there when no one else is. Do not tell them what to do or what they ought to be doing. Be patient, kind and observant of your friend's needs.
These are a few ideas to help you get started in helping your grieving friend through this difficult time. As always, there are many, many other ways that you can help. Be sensitive, see where there is an opportunity and fill that role for your grieving friends.
---
Latest News/Interviews:How do you deal with the death of a parent or grandparent? What should you give yourself permission to do when grieving? How can people support those who are grieving? Find out this and more on my latest Podcast with the mother/daughter team from
Inspirations Generations. Does being bereaved increase increase your risk for illness? Find out what researchers at the University of Sydney have recently discovered in this
article.